


Midnight Thoughts

by Anonymous



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anorexia, Bulimia, Eating Disorders, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Morality | Patton Sanders Angst, Morality | Patton Sanders Needs a Hug, Morality | Patton Sanders-centric, Projecting, Suicidal Morality | Patton Sanders, Suicidal Thoughts, Tired Morality | Patton Sanders, Trans Male Morality | Patton Sanders, be cautious this is heavy but nothing explicit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:00:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24363973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Read at own discretionREAD TAGS
Comments: 2
Kudos: 51
Collections: Anonymous





	Midnight Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> READ TAGS  
> if you think the tags are inaccurate or need more please tell me

Patton is really good at ignorance. It is the best way to forget about everything that he feels and the rest of existence.  
But at midnight, he just can't.   
Patton _knows_ he isn't skinny and he _knows_ how wrong boobs feel on his body. He _knows_ how much he lets people down and he _knows_ how much he doesn't want to be here. 

But, as everyone he's ever met knows, Patton is a coward.   
A coward with commitment issues that is far to easy to guilt trip.

Patton's thoughts get dark.   
Not in the "30 ways I could murder you" kind of way, but in the "30 ways I could self harm and nobody'd realize" kind of way.   
It'd be far too easy. 

Patton hates shorts (they remind him of how fat he is) and as such never wears them.   
Could cut his thighs.  
He's in charge of cleaning the bathroom.   
No one'd notice any blood. (if they did they'd think it's from his period)   
He takes a long time to shower and dry off.   
Cut during shower time or in the excess dry off time.   
Like he said, far too easy. 

Patton is fat, he knows.   
He buys XXL shirts so they're loose and don't show anything. He wears black bottoms and big jackets so his legs aren't as noticeable and no one notices how pudgy his stomach is.   
He could easily resort to bulimia or anorexia. 

Patton snacks most of the day.   
Stop snacking and just chew gum and drink water instead.   
He only eats one meal.   
He can just say he's trying to be healthier and eat light salad or soup.  
As mentioned, he takes along time and cleans the bathroom.  
He could purge whenever he wanted. 

Patton has boobs and a no no square. He knows how feminine he looks and he hates it. But no one knows except his boyfriend and his best friends. And he's broke so he couldn't buy a binder let alone do something as wonderful as surgery. 

His little brother falls and sprains his knees a lot.   
Could use ace bandages.   
He owns lots of sports bras.   
Could layer them till flat.   
His cousin is trans.   
Steal his cousin's binder.   
(That would hurt him so much) 

Patton sometimes wishes he wasn't here. He wishes to be anywhere else. Preferably nowhere. 

His dad takes heart medication.   
Down half the bottle.   
His mom has a shotgun.   
Roof of mouth.   
Big brother shaves with an unhookable razor.  
Vertical wrists.

Patton has so many thoughts that scream in his head. He has so much going on and so many people to disappoint.

But it's midnight.   
So he'll rest.


End file.
